A most amusing account of my journey through adulthood
I had an interesting conversation with my husband the other day. It was centered around how God chooses to communicate with His followers. I was saying that, for me, God usually slams doors in my face. Typically when I ask for discernment on what I should be doing with my life He communicates by closing the door on one of the opportunities. My husband responded by saying that my understanding of Christ, and how He relates to me, was not entirely accurate. To which I said, “well I just meant that’s how it usually happens with me, not that that’s how He is with everyone.”
The funny thing is, I whole-heartedly believed that when I said it. I had just kind of accepted that the only way God gets me to pay attention to Him is through tough love. That’s what I’ve always needed in earthly leaders, like coaches and teachers, to properly motivate me. Therefore, that’s what I thought I needed from my creator as well. I had even come to expect it.
Then something beautiful happened. Through a string of events, God showed me that He can do so much more than just steer me away from the wrong choices. He’s not just here to tell me what I can’t do, but to affirm what He has gifted me to do.
A majority of you who’ve followed my blog through WordPress’ recommendation probably don’t know that I’ve been studying biology in my undergraduate education. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. However, it’s the type of major that takes over your life. You hardly have time to relax, let alone entertain your other hobbies/interests. On several occasions I’ve felt guilty just for thinking about a book I’d like to read or a blog I’d like to write. Needless to say, I’ve been suppressing my creative side for the last four years. Then my mom showed up with all these boxes full of old artwork and poems… It made me so happy! It was like finally acknowledging the side of me that had been neglected for so long. However, the happiness was fleeting. With the start of the school week came the return of guilt. There was this overwhelming desire to apologize for acknowledging that side of myself. I felt shame. How dare I delight in being creative when I should be studying the histology of mammary cancer and preparing for a practical.
I carried these feelings right into Wednesday morning chapel with me, as I snuck peaks at my flash cards during worship. This was THE priority, I had to do well. I was intent on ignoring every word of the student speaker, but she stopped my studying dead in its tracks.
She spoke of her own insecurities and uncertainties. She recounted her journey of being a psychology major but having this passion for poetry. She captured me with her explanation of how her every opinion is swallowed up by her own exclamations of “sorry” and “I didn’t mean.” Then she told of how several different sources, the bible, her friends, and her classes, had reinforced the value of her words. She encouraged us not to devalue our own words, worth, and God-given abilities. Furthermore, she insisted that we speak boldly in the name of the Lord and not to down play ourselves or how he might use us. For with God all things are possible and all people are capable.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. Not only did it take away the shame I had been feeling, it completely refuted my earlier statement. It was as if God was saying “look, here I am affirming you. Do not put limits on what I can do.”
Anyway, the intent of this blog post was not to claim that I have any idea how God communicates (because clearly I’m still learning). However, I do hope that this testimony of what He has done in my life recently will help you to see Him in a new light.
Also, the student speak chapel is worth a listen. I’ll update when it gets posted to iTunes U.